


Five times Bodhi felt awkward (and embarrassed) about being naked - and one time he didn't

by Belsmomaus



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bodhi needs a hug, Bodhi-Centric, Cuddling, Embarrassment, Exhaustion, First Time, Fluff, Galen needs to work on his people skills, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Masturbation, POV Bodhi Rook, Public Nudity, Teasing, confident Bodhi, discovering one's sexuality, dubious consent on medical procedures, eventual Bodhi/Cassian, fear and resignation are a horrible mix, he gets tea instead, perceived coercion, the laugh is always on the loser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-22 11:39:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9606131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belsmomaus/pseuds/Belsmomaus
Summary: Just like the title says!Times 1&2: Bodhi's teenage yearsTimes 3&4: Bodhi's time with the EmpireTimes 5&+1: Bodhi's time with the Rebel Alliance after Scarif (yes, everyone is alive and this is where the Bodhi/Cassian comes in)(Chapters can be read independently from one another)Last chapter is up: Bodhi and Cassian enjoy a lazy morning in bed. Until they get interrupted…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this journey throughout Bodhi's life just as much as me. And yes, I was mean again, but this time there definitely will be an happy ending (not like last time). Promise!
> 
> Have fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi’s thirteen and right now he only wishes for a hole in the ground to swallow him up once and for all.

The sonic shower hummed around him as the vibrations massaged his skin. Bodhi’s been clean for a while now but he’s got the house to himself and he wouldn’t let that opportunity go to waste.

His eyes closed. He barely noticed the soft tingling of his skin as it trembled underneath the sonic vibrations, he was too focused on the more-- thrilling sensations from between his legs. He was leaning forward, his left hand placed against the wall to keep him steady while the other one kept up a steady rhythm, stroking himself. Low moans escaped his lips. He couldn’t help it, but he would’ve preferred to stay quiet. Sure, he was alone in the house, but it still felt weird jerking off at a place where his parents used to banter while getting ready for bed or that his sister occupied for hours before she left the house with her friends.

_Don’t think about them!!!_

With a slightly harsher stroke he forced all thoughts about his family out of his mind and pictured Sara from across the street instead. The soft curves of her body and the swell of her breasts underneath those too many layers of clothes. She was so beautiful and he wondered, how she would look like without them. Imagined her beautiful dark skin stretching across the planes of her stomach, dipping into her naval. He imagined firm, perky breasts with small, even darker nipples.

The image was… nice. Really nice.

But, as always, as he tried to imagine what it would be like to touch that skin, those breasts, his mind failed him.

He groaned, partly from his arousal but mostly from frustration.

_Okay, then the other way around again._

Instead of imagining touching her he tried to picture her touching him.

Her hands, small and petit, stroked along his arms up to his shoulders. They met at his neck and buried themselves into his hair, only for a moment, before they traveled down again and caressed his back. They slipped along his sides to his front, upwards, and nudged his nipples. Rubbed them between thumb and index finger.

Another moan wriggled free.

In his mind he looked down and watched those hands, only they weren’t small and dark anymore. They were larger, only slightly tanned and with fingernails almost nibbled down to the nail beds. He knew those hands from wrestling matches at school.

They were Tarik’s.

Teasing him. Caressing him. Trailing down his body, over the few black hairs between his legs, wrapping around his very hard dick.

He pressed his eyes shut even harder against the sudden surge of arousal that clenched around his balls.

Why was it always Tarik? No matter what he imagined, no matter what kind of situation, in the end it was always Tarik’s hands on him. He knew he would have to face that sooner or later but right now he was far too close to think much. So he went along with his fantasy – like always.

He jerked faster, just as the hand in his fantasy-scenario did. His breath came quicker and he couldn’t help the moaning anymore, just a quiet, drawn out, almost whining sound.

“Hey, are you okay?”

His eyes popped open in absolute horror. A head peaked around the corner of the shower stall – the head of no one other than his obnoxious older sister. Her eyes grew big and her hand shot up to cover her mouth and then her head was gone again, but he could hear her barely suppressed laughter.

Bodhi just stood there and stared, completely thunderstruck. Unable to move or breathe or think.

One second. Two seconds. Then the shock passed and the embarrassment settled in.

His sister – _his sister_ – had caught him masturbating. Had seen him naked. No, worse. Naked and with his dick in his hand!

_KRIIIIIFFFF!!!_

He let go of his penis, snatched his hand back as if burned – not that there was much reason left to touch it – and bit down hard on his lip while he smacked his fist against the wall.

“So that’s what you do when you got the house to yourself?”

He could feel the heat on his cheeks now. Burning its way up to his ears. And down his neck. “ _Get out!_ ”

More giggles. “Oh come on, brother dearest, don’t be like that. I was looking for you but you didn’t react to my knocking. I was worried for you.”

“ _Of course_ I didn’t hear you! I was in the kriffing _shower_!”

It was the wrong thing to say. He knew it even before he heard the snorting and the giggling.

He buried his face in his hands, wishing for a deep, dark hole to swallow him right then and there.

Force! He could never look his sister in the eyes again. Ever.

“Do you know you sound like a dying sandrat? All that wheezing…”

“ _GET OUT!!!_ ” Of course his voice took _that_ moment to turn into a pathetic squeak that sounded more like a girl than anything else and he just wanted to die. Or kick something. This wasn’t fair. None of this was. He just… “ _I HATE YOU!!!_ ”

The answering giggles only made everything worse. “Alright, alright, don’t mind me. I’m gone. Have fun!” The door clicked shut and the room was quiet again except for the  humming of the shower.

 ***

The rage didn’t last. Instead Bodhi felt like crying.

He left the bathroom in a hurry to flee into his own room, where he locked the door and hid in his bed, reliving the most embarrassing moment of his whole life again and again. Would she tell their parents? No, his sister wouldn’t do that. But she’d use this to tease him for the rest of his life. And she’d certainly use it for blackmail.

Kriff! He was _so_ screwed!

He didn’t leave his room all afternoon.

He didn’t leave it as his mother called him for dinner.

He didn’t leave it as his father banged at his door ten minutes later, exasperated and clearly not in the mood for such antics after a long day of hard work.

How could he go out there and sit at the table with his sister who’d seen him—do _that_? How could he face her and her malicious, knowing grin under the watchful eyes of their parents?

“Come on, Bodhi!” This time it was his sister knocking. “Don’t be such a baby! Mama’s starting to get worried and Papa’s pissed already.”

“ _Leave me alone_!”

“Fine. Then I’ll have to tell Tarik that you whisper his name when you—take a shower.”

“ _NO!_ ”

Bodhi was at the door in an instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for the short intro.  
> The other chapters will be longer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You wanna come upstairs with me?”  
> It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that question. But today he didn’t want to decline. He’d never wanted to decline, but he’d always been too afraid to take that last step. Not anymore.  
> “Yes.”  
> ***  
> It’s Bodhi’s first time and he wasn’t prepared for the terrifying mix of emotions…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and enjoy the sweetness and remember this: I was NICE to Bodhi!!! (you might forget it soon enough...)

Hard metal edges pricked into his back, even through all his layers, and yet Bodhi didn’t care for it, didn’t even feel the discomfort. The only thing important was the body in front of him that pressed him against the speeder. Tall and solid and with hot lips against his own.

The kisses alone left him breathless and lightheaded and so eager for more. A big hand cupped the back of his head, another one cupped his ass, groping and tugging him even closer against the other. The hardness that was pressed into his right thigh was unmistakable.

The other shifted a bit, just a tiny bit, but enough that his thigh rubbed languidly against Bodhi’s groin. And therefore his own raging hard-on.

He moaned into the heated kiss and clung to the other, his legs a bit wobbly all of a sudden.

“You wanna come upstairs with me?”

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that question. But today he didn’t want to decline. He’d never wanted to decline, but he’d always been too afraid to take that last step. Not anymore.

“Yes.”

Nuro leaned closer, his rough hand cupping his cheek in a gentle fashion as his eyes searched his face. “You sure? You don’t have to if-“

Bodhi cut him off mid-sentence with yet another hungry kiss only to pant afterwards, “I want to. I want _you_!”

A big grin split the other’s face at that, dark eyes gleaming with delight, then Nuro stepped away from him and grabbed one of his hands instead. And Bodhi followed him through the work shop, through the almost hidden door in the corner and up a flight of stairs.

He’d met Nuro at the rain festival – he’d literally bumped into him – and then again a few days later here in the shop as he’d brought in his father’s speeder for repairs. They’d started dating soon after – Bodhi still wasn’t sure how that had happened with him being a blushing, stuttering mess. Nuro was three years his senior and one of the lucky few who had a job that paid well enough that he could afford his own place – even if it was just a tiny room right over the work shop. Not like Bodhi who took any kind of work he could get, from fixing stuff, helping with all kinds of heavy lifting or even playing the guide for tourists. Nothing lasting, though.

Whenever he’d had time in the evenings these last weeks he’d come to the work shop and had spent them with Nuro. Watching him finish his work, talking and learning how to fix a speeder. They teased each other and laughed a lot. And afterwards, when Nuro was finished, they kissed. And sometimes touched.

The first time he’d felt Nuro’s erection was right before the other had asked him to come upstairs for the first time. And Bodhi had panicked. He’d never been intimate with anyone before, not like this, nothing more than fleeting kisses. He’d been afraid of losing Nuro by pulling back, especially since Nuro was so much more experienced than him. But that hadn’t happened. The other had assured him that he would never push him into anything, that he could wait, but that the invitation was there for whenever he was ready.

It had taken Bodhi a while to stop pressuring himself, though, and accept the fact that Nuro truly meant those words.

But after weeks of increasingly hungry kisses and roaming hands and jerking off in his bed to the mental image of them having sex while at the same time bailing out each time without knowing _why_ – or what he was afraid of – he’d finally found the courage to take the next step.

Oh Force, he _wanted_ to have sex. Wanted to be close to Nuro, feel him everywhere.

The moment Nuro turned on the light and closed the door behind them, Bodhi spun around and practically attacked his boyfriend here and there, too eager to wait any longer. Or miss the other’s lips for a moment more. The kiss was just as hungry as their last one, all cheeky tongues and nibbling teeth and desperate sucking in between hot and gasping breaths. One of his hands fumbled the zipper of Nuro’s work coverall open. He wanted to feel the other’s skin, smooth and hot against his touch, so he pushed his hands underneath Nuro’s coverall, stroking over fabric clad sides until he wriggled beneath the thermal undershirt and relished in the feel of the other’s bare back beneath his fingertips.

Taking initiative like this wasn’t new to Bodhi, not after a few weeks of kissing and touching and making out in the work shop. He knew what he was doing and what he wanted, at least up until this point. And it felt so good, but- what was he supposed to do next?

Clothes!

Before he could formulate a proper thought, though, Nuro’s hands closed around his ass and pulled him closer, pulled him right against the other’s thigh. Bodhi moaned, but then Nuro lifted his leg a little bit, just enough to rub against his erection. The prickling of arousal that explodes along his nerves at the unexpected move had him gasping. He clutched at the other, leaned against him, forehead to forehead, his eyes closed as he panted. And before he knew what he was doing he was rolling his hips, rubbing against Nuro’s leg to get more of that glorious friction, all the while moaning shamelessly.

He was rutting against him _like a dog_.

His eyes shot open and he pulled away, albeit with some difficulty. Heat was burning in his cheeks as he looked anywhere but at Nuro, trying to get his heavy breathing under control again. But Nuro didn’t let him go far. And then Nuro’s hands were framing his face all of a sudden, forcing him to look up.

Blushing even more deeply he did. To see a warm smile, that seemed to say “there’s no need to be ashamed”. But he didn’t voice it. And Bodhi’s so damn grateful for that. Instead he dared looking further and finally met his boyfriend’s eyes. Dark and hungry – _lustful_ – in a way he’d never seen before.

“I want you, too, Bodhi!”

Nuro dropped his hands to Bodhi’s kaftan and pulled it over his head. His thick sweater was next. Then Nuro pushed out of the upper part of his coverall, letting it pool around his hips.

Bodhi’s eyes followed every movement. Drinking in every inch of exposed skin, of those well-defined upper arms and shoulders. And his curiosity got the better of him. He grabbed for the other’s shirt and got rid of it himself, leaving Nuro’s chest bare.

He licked his lips at the marvelous sight. His cock twitched in agreement and his hands moved on their own volition, touched what was in front of him, tentatively at first but more daringly soon enough. He explored with his eyes and hands alike, took in taut muscles and dark hair right before his fingertips tested their texture. Perky nipples crossed their path and he rubbed his thumb across them experimentally, watched them as they got harder underneath his touch.

Nuro sucked in a breath at this. Fighting with his impatience – and losing – he finally pulled of Bodhi’s undershirt as well, leaving them both naked from the waist up.

It’s different, touching _truly_ naked skin instead of touching one another underneath a bunch of clothes in the coldness of the workshop. And it’s odd, being this _bare_ in front of each other – in front of _anybody_ – like this. He felt small and out of place with his gangly limbs next to Nuro’s tall, toned body. Maybe he wasn’t-

Nuro pulled him close all of a sudden, skin against skin and all thoughts fled him for his nerves were on fire. His skin prickled, every inch that touched the other, and he was so hard it almost hurt – well, his pants certainly did at this point. Nuro’s mouth was on his neck now, kissing a line from his ears down to his shoulder, nibbling and sucking and even biting along its way. It felt so good, so _damn good_ , and Bodhi’s panting so hard he didn’t even realize that his pants were being opened until they slid down his legs already.

Hot and greedy lips captured his for a moment, then Nuro was gone, shucking off his coverall all the way down. He pushed off his boots and pulled of his socks and it took Bodhi a moment to catch on. When he finally did, he did the same.

_This is it!_

He’s really doing this.

But there was no time to think, not when Nuro was standing in front of him in nothing but his underwear. Not when his own breathing was coming so fast it was distracting. Not when he’s so damn hard and afraid and nervous and excited. How was anyone supposed to _think_ in a situation like this?

Nuro gave him a push, nothing much but enough to make him lose his balance and Bodhi toppled backwards right onto the bed. Startled at first, but as he flopped in between rumpled sheets and blankets and pillows he had to laugh.

“You jerk! That was-“ _uncalled for_.

The words died on his tongue, though, as he looked up and Nuro stood right in front of him – _above_ him – in all his glory. He was so kriffin’ gorgeous with his tanned skin and his broad chest and muscular thighs. Dark hair was dusting his chest, his arms and legs, and it left a delicious trail from his navel downwards, right to the big outline in his briefs.

A new wave of heat flashed Bodhi’s cheeks at the sight and yet he didn’t look away, he just worried his upper lip between his teeth, torn between wanting more – wanting everything – and getting unsure again.

Before he could decide, however, Nuro was crawling onto the bed, his hands running along his legs, parting them slightly as he trailed kisses and caresses from his ankles up to his thighs, leaving him a writhing mess. The hands traveled higher, hooked around the hem of his briefs and pulled them down. Bodhi hissed, his muscles tensing up in arousal as the waistband dragged along his hard-on in the process.

At least until he looked down and saw his own cock there, hard and leaking pre-cum onto his stomach, right in front of Nuro’s eyes. He’s completely naked now, exposed in a way he’d never been before – apart from that terrible incident with his sister maybe, but he really didn’t want to think about _that_ right now. Lying here, not just with a bared chest but utterly nude and with a raging erection, it felt so damn strange. Open and exposed. Intimidating, but yet strangely exhilarating.

He wanted to cover himself, wanted to follow his instinct and put his hands over his crotch at least to protect his modesty. He didn’t, though. But he could feel himself blushing. Not just his face, all the way down to his chest this time – even his ears burned. Right now he wondered more than ever what Nuro saw in him. Nuro was perfect, whereas he was just a scrawny nobody who didn’t even know what he was supposed to do.

“You’re beautiful!”

“What?” Bodhi blinked, sought eye-contact after that unexpected admission.

And Nuro smiled, the admiration that had colored his statement now shone in his eyes. “You’re absolutely beautiful!”

Bodhi sucked his upper lip inside his mouth and gnawed at it, unsure what to do with a statement like that.

Nuro stood up for a second to push his briefs down, his erection flopping out of the confines of fabric, hard and dark and this was so very, very different than watching a naked guy in a holoporn – it really wasn’t that hard to get a hold of porn if you knew the right tricks. Again the other crawled back into bed, lying down right next to him. Close, their bodies touching almost from head to toe.

And all of a sudden, Bodhi was all shy again. Overwhelmed. He was naked. And Nuro was naked. They were all pressed together and it felt good, but scary somehow? His mind was all over the place, jumping from one thing to the next.

_Should I touch his cock now?_

_It’s so big! It’ll never fit in_ there _. It’ll hurt. Oh Force, it’ll hurt._

_Maybe I should stop this now?_

_But I want Nuro to touch me. Maybe he’ll suck me?_

_Oh Force, yes, please!_

“Hey.”

Calloused fingertips caressed his face gently, drawing his attention away from his thoughts and back to Nuro’s inquiring gaze. “You still sure about this?”

Bodhi nodded. “Yes. Absolutely sure!”

Maybe a bit too eager? But he didn’t want to seem hesitating. He was sure. He wanted this. Maybe not all of it? But he wanted Nuro. Kriff, why was this so complicated?

“I’ll make you feel so good, Bodhi! I promise!”

And Nuro’s lips were at his neck again, sucking and licking, and his hand trailed over his chest, mapping every inch of his skin. Bodhi’s eyes fell shut and he sighed into it, concentrated only on those lips and fingers, on the little ripples of his muscles underneath his skin wherever he was touched. But Nuro stopped all of a sudden.

Bodhi blinked, confused, and saw his boyfriend looking at him, serious and intense.

“You’ll tell me if I do something you don’t like, right? I’ll stop it immediately, but I need to know, okay?”

He held his boyfriend’s gaze for a while longer, amazed by the other yet again. “Okay.”

And then the hands were roaming again and Bodhi’s head sagged back into the pillow. Nuro’s lips travelled down his chest, licking a hot and wet path along his skin only to suddenly engulf his right nipple in their heat, sucking and nibbling gently at it with his teeth. Bodhi arched up from the bed, gasping in surprise, but Nuro pressed him back down again, never pausing his torturous ministrations. His cock was twitching on his stomach, aching for attention but Nuro showed no sign of interest so far and Bodhi wasn’t sure if he should touch himself.

“Nuro, please…!”

Too unspecific. But words failed him, his brain too overwhelmed to work properly anymore.

He felt Nuro grin against his skin, right before he stopped and skidded back up, rubbing his length against Bodhi’s thigh in the process.

“Please what?” Nuro asked cheekily and that really wasn’t fair!

“Please…” Bodhi started again, looking down at his cock in the hopes of finding the right words with the problem right in front of his eyes, but instead his gaze darted to the side and he licked his lips. “Please, can I- um- touch your dick?”

Where the Force had that come from?

Nuro laughed. “Of course you can. I was hoping for it!”

Bodhi rolled onto his side and reached out with his hand. He hesitated only for a moment, then closed his fingers around the others cock. It was strange touching another guy’s hard-on like this, familiar but different. He gave it an experimental stroke, up and down. Nuro let out a shuddering gasp next to him which spurned him on, so he moved again, this time more sure and faster, only stopping to circle his thumb across the tip to gather his pre-cum as lube.

“Is- is that okay?”

“Yes! You can use a bit more pressure… oh Force, yes, like that. That’s good- that- that’s- ahh.”

Nuro moved his hips, pressing forward right into his touch, but while Bodhi was solely focused on what he was doing, Nuro obviously wasn’t. Cause a moment later Bodhi felt the other’s hand on his thigh, running up its length until it reached the juncture of his leg. Nuro’s hand was so close, _so close_ , and Bodhi lost his rhythm as his breathing sped up in anticipation.

A second later nimble fingers trailed along his length, their soft touches more torture than anything else. He tensed nevertheless, and moaned. But then those fingers closed around him after all and gave him a languid, _intense_ jerk and Bodhi jumped, his hips lifting off the bed on their own accord as he gasped in shock. In delight. His former ‘job’ of exploring Nuro’s neither regions was forgotten in the sudden onslaught of strange, new sensations.

Encouraged by his reaction Nuro went on, his strokes slow but firm.

Bodhi was utterly lost. This was nothing like he’d jerk himself off, too slow – too agonizingly slow – and the grip too soft. And the angle was all wrong. And yet this was so much better than anything he’d done alone in his room at home, simply because it was _Nuro_ doing it.

He couldn’t help the moans, couldn’t help writhing and gasping and mumbling incoherent things he didn’t even get himself. Arousal made his muscles tense, his legs and hips and stomach all taut and moving in sync with the slow strokes. This was a pleasure altogether different from his solo adventures.

It happened from one moment to the next. So fast, he hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t had the chance to do anything about it.

His muscles spasmed, heat pooled in his groin, he choked out a breathless gasp and came right then and there. His orgasm just as intense as sudden.

The hand around him slowed even further, gently pumping him a few more times before it was gone, leaving him to his panting breaths. Even the incredible high of endorphins that currently flooded his body couldn’t keep the horror at bay for long.

They’d barely even started and he-

With a horrified groan he covered his face in shame and curled in on himself, unable to face the other. He should’ve realized it sooner, should’ve stopped. Oh damn, he’d lasted like what? One minute of touching his dick? Ten minutes of action altogether? This was _so_ pathetic. So absolutely embarrassing.

What would Nuro think now? Would he even still be interested?

“Sorry.” His voice sounded dull and weak from behind his hands, barely audible at all. “Oh Force, I’m so sorry, Nuro. I wasn’t-“

He trailed off as he heard Nuro laugh. It stung and he flinched as a hand started caressing his arm, only to close around his wrist gently. It’s the softness behind the gesture that made him pause and listen more carefully. Yes, Nuro was laughing, but it wasn’t a malicious laugh. So he didn’t resist as his hands were pulled away from his burning face.

“Hey, there you are!” Nuro smiled, warm and amused and reassuring. And he pulled Bodhi’s hand to his lips, kissing the inside of his wrist, holding his gaze the whole time. “There’s no reason to hide. No reason to be ashamed.”

“But I-“

“Bodhi?” Nuro interrupted him and he’d feel chastised if not for the loving tone to the other’s voice. “Tell me,” Nuro went on and his hand was on Bodhi’s side again, stroking across his skin, up his chest across his nipple which made him hiss in response, “you’re enjoying this, right?” His hand roamed downwards and cupped his bare ass and Nuro’s lips trailed featherlight kisses onto his shoulder and arm. “You like it when I touch you?”

Bodhi swallowed, his skin tingling everywhere Nuro’s fingers and lips had been.

“Yes,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. Of course he did, that much should be obvious, shouldn’t it?

Nuro grinned. “Good! That’s all I want, Bodhi! It’s supposed to feel good!”

“But I-“

“Have a headstart?” Nuro’s lips curled even further, turning his grin into a lopsided, cheeky thing of beauty. “Maybe for now. But the night is still young.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up in two days :)  
> The Empire won't be... pleasant...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi enlisted for the Empire. But before he could start his training as a pilot he had to face what every recruit had to face: the mandatory medical exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached Bodhi's years with the Empire and the story gets darker now.  
> And yes, that means I'm mean to Bodhi... I'm so sorry, I just can't help it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, though (just remember that he'll get through it all and he'll meet Cassian and the others at one point and they won't die).
> 
> Still, enjoy the new chapter :)

Bodhi wiggled his right leg. He couldn’t help it. Not when he felt uncomfortable and so damn anxious. The minute but hectic motion reverberated through his whole body. It wasn’t soothing, not one bit, if anything it made his nervousness worse, but he just couldn’t stop.

He wanted out of here. Far away.

Back home.

It wasn’t an option, though. He had to do this. There was no future on Jedha.

And the money would help his family.

His eyes darted around the room again, taking in the white and grey sterility once more. Taking in the faces all around him, some of them eager, but most of them closed off, resigned, desperate, some angry. And young, all of them. Barely anyone looked older than twenty.

People without a choice, like him.

Some surely had enlisted, like him. A ‘voluntary’ decision, as far as you could call it that if it’s the only way left. And some might have been recruited by the Empire itself, taken from their homes by force.

He didn’t know for sure since he hadn’t asked. And he wasn’t about to. No one spoke a word in here. No one. Apart from the droids.

The whooshing sound of an opening door sounded awfully loud through the big waiting area. Some heads turned, like Bodhi’s, too jittery to keep still. Other’s barely reacted at all. The door was a few yards to his left, revealing nothing from the room behind it apart from more grey walls and cold, bright light. A girl stepped out, pale beneath her freckled skin and tense, her gaze kept firmly on the floor as she turned and hurried off through the hallway at the end of the long rectangular room.

Bodhi envied her. She was over with it.

_It’s just a medical exam._

That line had stopped calming him when he’d set foot into this waiting area, when the atmosphere of apprehension and discomfort and desperate determination had started getting to him. There had to be a reason everybody was on edge like this, right?

And anyway? What if they decided he wasn’t suitable for pilot training? What if they decided to put him on the cleaning staff where the money surely wouldn’t be enough to properly share with his family?

Or worse? What if they decided to put a weapon in his hands?

What if they decided to make him into a stormtrooper?

His hands clenched into fists on his knees and his breaths came too fast.

_They need pilots. They said so. They’ll make you a pilot. They have to._

There wasn’t much confidence to gain from that feeble voice in his mind, but it was the best he could get. He took a deep breath and sucked his upper lip into his mouth, worrying it with his teeth. The familiarity of it, and of his wiggling leg, kept him grounded.

_It’s just a medical exam._

He really wished he could switch places with the girl that had left and be done with it already.

“Rook, Bodhi!” a mechanical voice sounded through the room, louder than the other droids before and with a hint of annoyance as if it wasn’t calling for the first time.

Kriff!

Quickly he jumped up and hurried over, aware of the countless sets of eyes on him. He mumbled an apology to the med-droid as he came to a halt next to it. The droid seemed unimpressed and simply gestured him into the examination room and closed the door behind them.

Bodhi finally got a good look at the room itself. It was all clinical white on grey durasteel, every surface gleaming and the biting smell of disinfectant hung in the air. He swallowed. The examination table right in front of him dominated the room. Apart from it there was only a chair in the right corner and a cabinet with some medical instruments and a datapad to the left. Nothing else. No curtain or folding-screen between the door and the table. Nothing that would allow for privacy should the doors unexpectedly open.

He stopped in the middle of the room, unsure what to do. Where to go. His eyes kept traveling to the table and suddenly he saw the image of the girl again, tense and stiff and eager to get away, and the padded surface of the table filled him with even more unease than before.

“Bodhi Rook. Born on Jedha. 19 standard years old.” The droid read the information from the datapad.

“Yes, that- that would be me.”

“Your medical records are incomplete.”

Well, of course they were. Many things were destroyed on Jedha as the Empire had taken over the little moon, and even without that Jedha was a small world outside the big hyperspace routes. If you wanted ancient architecture or a pilgrimage to one of the first Jedi temples, then you had the right place. If you were looking for top notch health care you had to look elsewhere even before the Empire had come.

The droid stepped up to him with a small instrument in its hand. “Give me your arm.”

He complied.

Metal hands pushed his sleeve back up his arm and pressed the instrument against his skin. He recognized it the same moment he felt a sharp but in the end insignificant prick. It was just a blood sample. He rubbed his skin when the droid turned back and inserted the vial into a tall but slim machine right next to the cabinet, Bodhi had completely overlooked it a moment before. Maybe it was there to analyze his blood? Or to store it? He really had no idea.

“Have you ever had sand fever or pneumonia?”

“No, not that I know of.”

And so it went on for two or three minutes. The droid would ask questions and Bodhi would answer to the best of his abilities. No, he’d never been to Knytix. No, he’d never had come in contact with an Eriaduan rat. Yes, he had received vaccinations against the Luf virus, it was a common disease, brought to Jedha by pilgrims, but no, there hadn’t been any other vaccinations apart from the most basic ones every child on Jedha received.

This wasn’t so bad after all. And Bodhi started to relax a little bit.

“The blood screen will tell us which important antibodies you lack,” the droid informed him. “You’ll receive an inoculation later on according to the results.”

Okay, he could live with that. Not a problem at all.

“Now, undress! You can place your clothing on the chair.”

And just like that his nervousness was back.

With reluctant steps he crossed the few feet over to the chair. He started easy by untying his shoes and pushing them off his feet. His jacket followed soon after, landing in a rumpled heap on the chair. He worried his lip again between his teeth as he placed his arms over his head to grab the back of his shirt. His eyes flitted to the door, or better, the open space between him and the door.

_There’s no reason why anyone should come in during the examination. No reason at all. Relax!_

He pulled the shirt over his head and laid it down onto the chair as well. It wasn’t cold in the room, even without the protective layers of clothes, and yet gooseflesh rippled over his arms and back. The cold and emotionless staring out of LED-eyes didn’t make it any better.

_Just get this over with, Bodhi!_

He tried to push his unease away and pushed his pants down. After setting them on the chair as well he turned towards the droid who merely continued to stare at him.

“I said ‘undress’,” it said, clearly impatient. “That implies all your clothes.”

Again his gaze jumped to the door. Was a curtain really too much to ask? He had no interest being on display for a bunch of new recruits, completely naked.

Of course he didn’t have a choice.

There never was a choice.

So he pulled his socks off – one last and useless attempt at stalling – and then his briefs.

He stepped back to the examination table and the droid in his birthday suit. Being naked wasn’t the problem. He might be a bit less muscular and more lean than he liked but he had no problems with his body. And this wasn’t about being ashamed. He didn’t like the vulnerability of being naked in a discomforting environment like this one. He felt helpless enough when it came to the Empire, he really didn’t need this to add to that as well. And he really didn’t like the feeling of being exposed, or the threat of it looming over him with that damn door that led directly into a waiting area full of people.

Bodhi started to realize why the girl had fled in such a hurry.

“Stand up straight, your back to me, arms at your sides.”

Without further warning the droid started touching him. Metal fingers, artificially heated to not feel too uncomfortable or alien – which didn’t really help – dug into the tense muscles on his shoulders then prodded along his spine until they pressed against the area to either side of his tailbone. He could only assume that it was checking his posture for any postural defects.

“Turn around.”

The droid took a step back and eyed him once from head to toe, a scrutinizing gaze that was more uncomfortable than he would’ve expected. Then it nodded.

“Are you experiencing any problems, acute or long-term, that are medically relevant? Any pain, discomfort, headaches, any trouble with your digestion?”

Bodhi swallowed visibly, his eyes darting to the door again, then the floor in front of him.

“No.”

It was a lie, strictly speaking. There was some pain. Some discomfort. It was nothing, a minor problem, not worth mentioning at all and it would be okay again in a few days anyways. But most of all: it was private. It had nothing to do with his health check or his suitability for pilot training.

“Alright, Mr. Rook. Sit up on the table.”

Sitting naked in the middle of the room on a padded, of disinfectant-reeking surface, directly facing the door... it felt like being sitting ducks. He tried to remember how long it had taken for the doors to open again after an examination, tried to estimate how much time he’d already spent in here, how much longer this would take, but he failed, on both trains of thought.

The droid came back with a tray full of instruments. “I’m going to check your sensory capacity now.”

He remembered those tests from his childhood. They weren’t that bad, just a bit disorienting. Nakedness, however, wasn’t a necessity at all.

_Maybe it needs you naked later on?_

_Maybe it’s just a test? How you react to discomfort and embarrassment?_

There was no more time to wonder about it as the droid pushed his hair aside to place three metallic probes onto his head. One right at the back and the other two slightly above and behind his ears. They would read the data right from his visual and auditory cortex and let them know not just how good his hearing and his eyesight were but also how well his brain could process the received data. Headphones were placed over his ears next and without further ado a series of sounds started to play. A range of different frequencies, white noises with tiny pauses in between, noises that seemed to come from different directions. All sorts of stuff.

As he saw the bulky goggles in the droid’s hands he frowned, but before he got the chance to ask the goggles were already pressed against his eyes and the ties fastened behind his head. The world around him turned absolutely dark until the screen within the darkened goggles turned on and flashed a series of images against his retinas. A range of colors, of two- and three dimensional pictures, of text in various sizes, then a quick series of random images, the sequence changing faster and faster and faster.

Bodhi’s hands grabbed for the table beneath him, his fingers curling around its edge. The assault on his senses was dizzying to say the least. His balance was off and he needed the support to not fall down, but also to remain at least a sense for up and down. His stomach was rolling as noise and light attacked him from all sides and left him blind and deaf for his surroundings. His heartrate sped up and his gooseflesh was back full force.

He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut, but he knew it wouldn’t help him in the long run, it would only mean that they would need to repeat the test.

Why did they have to do both tests at the same time? Why?

_To show you that they can do anything they want with you!_

_To test you!_

He clenched his teeth, but that didn’t keep his breathing from speeding up. Or the muscles in his arms from shaking. Sweat was prickling his skin at his hairline.

The images before his eyes stopped, the screen turned to a dim, nondescript semi-darkness that got brighter with time. And brighter. And brighter.

It stung. It _hurt_.

_Stop! Please stop!_

He couldn’t take this. Couldn’t-

Just as he was about to beg the droid to stop the screen shut off. Bodhi sagged and released a shaky breath. The goggles were pulled from his head, then the headphones – he hadn’t noticed when the noise had stopped, he still wasn’t sure it _had_ with the incessant ‘beeeeeeep’ that kept him occupied. Bright spots kept dancing in front of him. He blinked, again and again, felt hot tears streaming down his face as his eyes tried to accommodate to normal lighting again. The droid was busy removing the probes from his head, so Bodhi used the opportunity to wipe the tears from his face. He had to pry his hand from the table, though, a sharp indent from the metal edge running across the base of his fingers. It was trembling.

“Open your mouth.”

“What?” he mumbled, shaking his head a bit in a desperate attempt to clear it from the after-effects of the sensory overload.

Metal fingers closed around his jaw, not painful, but hard enough to make his breath hitch. “I said, open your mouth!”

He did. Fast.

Confused and intimidated.

The droid peered into his mouth before it inserted a finger that prodded at his teeth and his gums and his tongue. This wasn’t necessary. _Not. At. All._ There was no data to gain that couldn’t be gained by a simple scan. This had to be how the creatures at the market had to feel; their worth evaluated before they were auctioned off.

_They’re playing with you!_

A hot ball of rage started to boil through his stomach, clearing his mind and straightening his crouching posture into a proud set of squared shoulders.

But the rage burned itself out as quick as it had come, drowned by the realization of his own helplessness. There was nothing he could do about it. The Empire didn’t care about fairness or the dignity of its subjects. And he was here because he _needed_ this job.

He hated this. Everything about this.

The moment the droid pulled back he clicked his mouth shut in passive defiance. He could taste the remnants of metal and disinfectant on his tongue and longed for a drink to wash it off. The droid gave nothing away, just carried the tray back to the cabinet and checked the readout of the machine that was analyzing his blood. As it came back again after a few minutes of preparing something not even that tiny bit of defiance was left. He wished it would, but instead he just flinched as the droid grabbed for his arm to inject him with the vaccines he needed according to them.

He wanted out of there.

He wanted to hide in the warm familiarity of his clothes, crawl under the blanket of his narrow bunk and forget all about this whole exam. Forget about the humiliation.

Just focus on his reason for being here and looking forward. Never behind.

_For your family!_

“Lie down on your back.”

At least now he didn’t have to face that blasted door anymore.

The droid held up a scanner and slowly moved it over his whole body. In the other hand it held the datapad, its eyes darting from one to the other, probably comparing the results with data from his medical file. Soon after he was asked a few questions about the mobility of his left wrist – he’d broken it once as a kid in a very unsuccessful attempt to climb onto the roof of their house – and about any remaining pain in the scar on his thigh – a speeder accident had slashed his thigh up nearly down to the bone two years ago. Of course the droid tested the mobility of both limbs by more prodding and bending them any which way.

“You can stand up again, Mr. Rook.”

This time he complied pretty quickly, hoping that it was finally over. It felt as if he’d been in here for hours, although he knew – rationally – that it couldn’t be more than twenty minutes.

The droid came back from the cabinet with a small jar.

“It seems you failed to inform me of a minor injury you’ve sustained.”

Bodhi stared at the droid in confusion. What was that thing talking ab-

_No! Oh please no!_

His eyes widened as the droid stepped closer.

“No, that- that’s nothing. It’s fine, really. It’s not bothering me, it’s-“

The droid interrupted him midway through his increasingly frantic babbling. “I’m obligated to treat any current injuries.” Bodhi grimaced. Yes, there was a little bit of discomfort or pain every now and then but it would heal. He really didn’t want this in his records, his _Imperial_ records. But even less than that did he want _this_ droid to treat him. “Your scan has shown some minor anal tearing. A single application of bacta should be enough. Turn around now, Mr. Rook, and bend over the table.”

He hesitated.

He didn’t want this.

The droid raised its arm and Bodhi didn’t doubt that it would force him to comply if necessary, so he turned and bent down until his elbows touched the padding. Again his hands closed around the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white. Now his naked butt was in direct line to the door.

_Don’t think about that!_

But his mind was a mess right now. Pulled in too many directions over the last 30 minutes. Intimidated and humiliated, overloaded with sensory stimuli, torn between helplessness and anger and fear. So, instead of focusing on something helpful, something to ground him or make him at least forget what was happening, his mind jumped back to the evening two nights ago. The night before he’d left for the Empire’s shuttle transport. His last night on Jedha for who knew how long.

He’d spent it with Nuro. Their relationship belonged to the past now but they were still friends, no, not friends, rather- acquaintances. But Nuro had been the only person he’d known would give him what he’d needed that night. Sex, without questions asked. Not even as he’d asked him to go harder, faster, again and again. Nuro had done as asked, had pounded him into the mattress with abandon, and Bodhi still wasn’t sure if he’d tried to punish himself for his decision or to drive all sense out of him, all hopes he might have had for his future or if he’d tried to imprint a part of the Jedha he was about to lose deep into his very being.

A smooth and slick metal digit pushed into his rear out of nowhere.

With a gasp he flinched away on instinct, only for a metal hand to close around his hip and keep him in place. It didn’t so much hurt – just an uncomfortable sting soon soothed by the bacta – as it left him even more vulnerable than anything else before. He was utterly helpless against the intrusion, into his body as well as his privacy, his personal space, his right for consent.

_You can do this, Bodhi!_

_For your family!_

Then it’s over and he’s told to get dressed. His hands hurt from clutching the table with so much force. And they’re shaking now, but that didn’t keep him from dressing in record time. Finally wrapped in the elusive safety of his clothes he passed the droid with haste, opened the door and stepped outside. His hands pulled inside his sleeves and his shoulders tense he hurried off as fast as he could without running.

His gaze never left the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you liked it.
> 
> Next chapter will be up on Sunday :)  
> (Then it's time to meet Galen...)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the Empire you don’t say no to superiors.   
> This is the story how Bodhi met Galen Erso for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me being mean again - we're still in the Empire after all ;)

Bodhi checked the connections of the re-routed power lines one last time before he grabbed for his comlink and activated it. “Try again, K-4DA.”

“Acknowledged.” Then, after a short pause. “The injector still isn’t working.”

With a loud sigh he screwed his eyes shut and cursed under his breath. He rubbed a hand over his wet face, as if that would chase away his exhaustion somehow or make the rain stop from dripping into his eyes. He closed the panel on the cargo ship with more force than necessary, the metallic clanging swallowed completely by the ever present downpour. Trying to keep his annoyance in check he took a deep breath and placed one hand against the hull of the ship. His head dropped down onto his chest.

This was the last thing he needed right now.

During his landing approach on Eadu the starboard engine had suddenly started to cause trouble. He’d been able to bring the ship down safely with K4’s help, but ever since then they’d run one diagnostic after another trying to find the actual problem. The ship had long been unloaded and they should already be on their way to their next mission, a supply run for some more remote Imperial outposts. But instead they were still here, their sublight engine still not functional and he was _kriffing drenched_ after just ten minutes outside. Seriously, did it ever _not_ rain on Eadu? Where did all that water even go? The whole planet should have turned into an ocean already.

And now it seemed that their starboard injector pump was fried. He’d tried everything else, but there was no re-routing or repairing that would make a fried injector work again. It needed to be replaced.

That would cost him _hours_!

His fingers clenched against the hull and the heat of annoyance and anger flushed through his veins again. He kicked the damn ship with all his might. It stung. For a moment he hobbled on one leg before all energy left him and he leaned his head against the hull in defeat. He was too tired to be angry. Too tired to deal with that helpless frustration. Too tired to deal with any of this.

But he had to.

Bodhi shivered as he stepped back into the shuttle and shook off at least some of the excess water from his clothes and hair. It was definitely too cold to be soaked to the bone, but he couldn’t help it now. K4 turned around as he climbed up into the cockpit.

“I told you it’s the injector pump.”

_I know, but I just hoped against hope that it wouldn’t be._

He didn’t say that, the grey droid wouldn’t understand it anyways.

“I took the liberty of checking your maintenance log. Your check-up intervals of the pump are all in order. This is not your fault. It seems we’re dealing with a wearout problem, possibly due to a manufacturing error.”

_Not my fault. What a relief!_

The words were dripping in sarcasm, but only in his head. He wouldn’t dare speaking them out loud. Damn, he was too exhausted to deal with being monitored by a droid on top of everything else. But still, the droid’s words settled like ice into his stomach, causing goosebumps to ripple all over his body.

He hated flying missions with droids – but with an increasing number of cargo missions and a decreasing number of pilots it was unavoidable. They always had an eye on the pilots, constantly observing them to make sure they followed regulations to the letter. Every misstep was documented immediately. Never a chance to relax.

Bodhi rolled his shoulders against the slowly worsening pain in the tense muscles around his neck. The movement only dislodged the sodden flight suit from his skin. He shuddered as it settled back in place, rough and wet. He restrained himself from rubbing his eyes, unwilling to show even more signs of weakness in front of the droid than he already had. Instead he stepped up to the main console and grabbed his headset.

“I’ll inform the tower.”

K4 nodded. And watched.

“Eadu flight tower, this is cargo shuttle PW-1127.”

“PW-1127, did you fix the problem? Are you ready to go?”

“Negative. Our starboard injection pump is fried. It needs to be replaced. You don’t happen to have one lying around, do you?” He was too worn out to care for proper protocol – he knew he should but he lacked the energy.

“Um- I don’t-,” the voice sounded young, rattled by the informality of his request. Probably a rookie. “I’ll need to look into that. Hold on a second.”

He could feel the droid’s gaze on his neck. He only closed his eyes for a moment in quiet acknowledgement and tried to remember the last time he’d slept for more than five hours at a time. They were on a tight schedule and pilots weren’t allowed to sleep while in the air, not on short-haul missions, for that there were arranged resting periods on ground. Too bad the Empire seemed to forget that eight hours official resting period didn’t equal eight hours of sleep. There were after-flight check-ups that needed to be done, if those brought up smaller problems then they needed to be fixed and repaired, un- and uploading needed to be organized and if you longed for a meal or some human company- well, in the end you were lucky if you managed six hours of sleep, but mostly it was closer to four. It hadn’t been much of an issue before he’d been assigned a droid. With human pilots you got the chance to nap during the flight, an unspoken agreement amongst them to not tell on each other as long as everybody got some rest in equal measure.

But now with this droid breathing down his neck? His own personal prison guard?

“Cargo shuttle PW-1127, the technician on duty informs me that we don’t have injector pumps in store. But he’s already sent an emergency order for a new one. It should arrive first thing tomorrow morning.”

He thanked the officer and closed the connection, unable to stifle a weary sigh. Tomorrow morning. He’d lose at least eight hours if not more. The consequences would be- he stopped that thought immediately. No, he didn’t want to think about it.

Without delay he opened a comlink to contact his superiors, there was nothing gained by stalling anyway. As expected, they were pissed. K4’s statement that it was a technical problem and not human error eased their anger somewhat. Their words still rang in his mind, though, as he laid the headphones back down.

_We cannot simply pull off someone else to do your job just because you ran into a problem. Those supply runs have absolute priority. I expect you to be up to your schedule by the end of the weak. I don’t care how you do it! Otherwise I’ll find myself constrained to deduct an appropriate amount from your pay._

That helpless anger was back in his guts, weak and easily drowned by desperation. He couldn’t risk losing the money, not with his family back home counting on him. But that meant working faster, reducing loading times and planetary stays and say goodbye to sleep for the foreseeable future. A week relying on nothing but caf and stims and quick naps in between meals and showers on ground. He could do it. Had done it before. Though he hated nothing more than coming down from the drugs afterwards.

“Since we’re grounded till morning I’m going to shut down and recharge,” K4 informed him then got up and settled into the back of the cockpit, connecting himself to a power outlet. The artificial glow of his eyes dimmed down to nothing.

And Bodhi was left alone. He looked around himself, tired and cold and frustrated and a bit unsure what to do. Trust his luck to get stranded for the night at a high-security research facility where he barely had clearance to enter the mess hall. Everywhere else he’d easily get a room with a bed but here? Not a chance. And he wasn’t about to embarrass himself by asking the tower for one. Well, he supposed he could huddle down in a corner of the cockpit or in the currently empty cargo hold and take this last chance to get some rest.

But exhausted as he was, right now he ached more for some warmth.

So he stepped outside, closed the hatch and ran across the landing pad through the rain to the doors that led inside the facility. The lights were dimmed at this hour. Apart from the few security officers and droids that patrolled the nightshift there were only a few scientist that still frequented the halls. Bodhi had been here before two or three times, enough to find his way to the mess hall without activating any of the security alarms that surrounded areas he wasn’t allowed in. The mess hall was empty, but there was always the possibility for hot drinks and small snacks, no matter the hour.

He poured himself a cup of tea and sat down at one of the tables. It’s warmer in here than in the shuttle, but his wet clothes still seemed to seep every bit of warmth out of his body. His hands curled around the hot cup, the heat almost too much to bear, but he didn’t care. Instead he inhaled the fruity scent and closed his eyes to savor it.

 

***

 

The hand on his shoulder startled him awake. He blinked against the light, disoriented, and lifted his head. He felt sluggish. Heavy. And the stiff fabric of his clothes rubbed roughly against his clammy skin. He shivered.

“Hey, you alright?”

Bodhi pulled himself up at the voice, the reminder that he wasn’t alone. He was in the mess hall, his cup still on the table, full, but not steaming anymore. There was a small puddle beneath his feet and wet patches on the table in front of him. He must have fallen asleep. Still drowsy he rubbed at his eyes with his hand. His fingers were cold. And trembling.

He looked up at the man next to him. Tall with greying hair and a dark stubble across his cheeks. A scientist, judging by his uniform.

“Yeah,” he croaked out, a bit embarrassed. He should get back to the shuttle.

The man narrowed his eyes at him. “Aren’t you the pilot who brought the last shipment from Jedha?”

Bodhi straightened up into a more formal posture than his former unimpressive slouch. “Um, yeah, that’s me.”

The man’s gaze turned scrutinizing, roaming over him from head to toe. It made him just as uncomfortable as when K4 did that. “And you’re still here?”

“We- um- we had some technical problems. It’ll take until morning for the spare parts to arrive.” Bodhi noticed the bands around the lower sleeve of the man’s uniform. He didn’t know much about scientist ranks but he knew usually ‘more bands’ meant ‘more important’. And this man’s sleeve featured four bands, so he was very important.

He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

The scientist watched him for a moment longer then he nodded towards the door. “Come with me.”

And Bodhi followed, stumbling at first as his worn out body didn’t cooperate at once. The scientist might not be part of Bodhi’s immediate chain of command, but all considered he _was_ a superior. In the end, everyone within the Empire’s ranks was superior to a simple cargo pilot. Well, he knew that wasn’t really true, but it felt like it and it didn’t change a thing about his current position. He wondered what the man wanted from him.

“What’s your name, pilot?”

“Rook, Sir. Bodhi Rook.”

“Well, Mr. Rook, good to meet you. I’m Galen Erso.”

Bodhi forced a timid smile onto his lips. Something about this felt off. He couldn’t make sense of it. And his alarm bells rang only louder as the man led him into areas of the compound that he wasn’t allowed to be in and, in the end, into what looked like the scientist’s private quarters.

The door shut behind Bodhi with a finality that made him shudder. He should’ve stayed in the ship. He should’ve-

“Strip!”

His mouth went dry. “Wh- what?”

Erso gestured towards him, pointing at his flightsuit. “I said, get out of those clothes. And the shoes.”

Bodhi’s breathes came faster now and his heart was speeding up as well, his tiredness forgotten for the moment. He didn’t dare looking at Erso as he bent down mechanically to untie his boots. He felt lightheaded as he got up again, as he pushed the heavy boots off. On some level he realized that Erso was talking again, heard the sounds, but he couldn’t make out their meaning, not with the dizzying emptiness in his head and the rushing in his ears.

This was wrong. This felt absolutely wrong.

But he had no choice. Disobeying a superior and risking punishment? Imprisonment? His family was counting on him, he couldn’t fail them.

His hands were shaking even worse now as they unzipped the flight suit and pushed it off his arms, his shoulders and then down his legs. There’s a hand all of a sudden, way too close, that took the suit from him and away, out of his reach. But not before it gestured to the rest of his attire. He shivered, the warmth within the room unable to melt his dread away.

He almost lost his balance as he pulled his socks off. Panting, he worked against his pounding heart and tugged his standard issue shirt off his body and shucked off his briefs as well.

He wanted to close his eyes, wanted for this to be over quickly. He wanted to be able to speak his mind and get the hell out of here. He wanted to be somewhere where he didn’t have to be afraid all the time. He wanted to be left alone. To sleep. To be warm. He wanted to be _home_.

But this wasn’t about what he wanted. His whole life wasn’t about what he wanted.

So he forced himself to keep his eyes open and stare at the ground between them. Never before had he felt the power gap between himself and someone else as acutely as right now, standing in this room, completely naked in front of a superior. Resigned to do whatever would be asked of him.

He imagined Erso looking at him with that scrutinizing look from before, and he hoped against hope that maybe he’d find him lacking. Maybe even unappealing? Enough to stop this?

He’s shaking, not just with cold now, but with fear. Helplessness. Apprehension. He felt weak, utterly weak.

Erso was talking again, Bodhi couldn’t focus on the words. He knew he should but he couldn’t. And then there were footsteps and Erso was right in front of him now and he couldn’t be brave, he couldn’t. He screwed his eyes shut, held his breath in a desperate attempt to calm down, to prepare himself for being touched and then it came.

Just not the way he’d expected.

Something brushed against his shoulders, he felt the air moving against his clammy skin and then a big sheet of fabric settled across his shoulders. A bit rough, but warm and dry, and his eyes shot open in surprise.

Erso was right in front of him, worry clearly carved into his expression, and he held on to the edges of a big towel that was currently placed across Bodhi’s shoulders. Erso’s head dipped to the side, questioning, and one of his hands gripped for his shoulder, the part that was covered by the towel. And this time his voice cut through the rushing in Bodhi’s ears and the haze of his confusion.

“Hey! Rook! Hey, look at me! Bodhi! _Breathe_! I told you already, I won’t hurt you. I _won’t_ hurt you.”

Bodhi nodded out of reflex.

“Here,” Erso tugged gently at the towel, “get dry. And then take these,” he pulled some clothes off that had been slung over his shoulder and placed them on a chair close to him, “before you’ll catch your death. I’ll be back in a moment.” Then he went away into another room, leaving Bodhi to himself.

As comprehension finally caught up with him his gasp of relief almost sent him to his knees.

 

***

 

Again he’s out in the hallway following Galen Erso through the compound. Things still felt off, but the sudden rush of adrenaline from a moment ago was dwindling down, leaving him dizzy and even more tired than before. Of course something was off; _everything_ about this was off. He was shuffling through the hallways without shoes, just in socked feet and clothed in casual pants and a shirt and sweater that were too big on his slender frame. He didn’t care, though. They were dry. And _warm_.

Erso stopped and opened a door, leading him inside. It was a small room with nothing but a narrow bed, a small nightstand, a locker in one corner and a chair and table squeezed into the other one. Erso placed the cup he was carrying on the nightstand and Bodhi’s comlink that he must’ve taken out of his wet uniform right next to it.

“Sit down before you keel over. And drink some tea. It’ll warm you up.”

Bodhi did. He still couldn’t comprehend what was happening. But as his hands closed around the hot cup he found he didn’t care as much as he probably should. Instead he took a sip, and then another, cherishing the warmth that gathered in his belly and soothed his tension as well as his thirst.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked up, startled by Erso’s voice – and his very unexpected words.

“For frightening you earlier. That was never my intention.” Erso pushed himself away from the table he’d been leaning against. “Well, get some rest. You look like you need it. I’ll arrange for a droid to wake you up. You’ll be back to your ship before your spare parts arrive. And don’t worry about your uniform. I’ll make sure it gets dried – well, cleaned and dried. I- should probably go and let you get some sleep.”

Bodhi stared at his retreating form. He hesitated at first, but in the end he spoke up after all. It was strange, this man was probably one of the leading men of this research facility and yet he-- _cared_ about a lowly pilot. Somehow that power gap didn’t feel so big after all, barely there at all if he was honest. Maybe that’s the reason he dared to speak up, to question his superior’s motives.

“Why are you doing this?” he gave a nod at the room, indicating its entirety, the tea, the bed, the dry clothes. Everything.

Erso stopped at the door and turned. There was something about his eyes, something unfathomable in their depth that gave Bodhi pause. Something that made him wonder about this man’s past.

“Because I believe that it’s the small things that make the biggest difference.”

Bodhi didn’t get to think about those words, though, not right away. The moment he’d finished the tea and curled up beneath the blanket he was asleep already.

But the words stayed with him.

And he remembered them again when he left Eadu for the last time. With a bunch of rebels in a stolen shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's finally shown some kindness and he deserved that so much.
> 
> Next chapter will be up in two days. Be prepared for the whole crew (finally some Cassian *g*)!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi had known it was a bad idea. He should’ve listened to that gut-feeling.  
> Now it was too late. He’d never forgive himself if Cassian got hurt because of his mistake…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally something light and funny :)  
> Not quite Bodhi/Cassian yet, but definitely pre-relationship. At least there're some definite feelings - and maybe some pining - from Bodhi's side involved.  
> And Cassian? Well, read and see for yourselves ;)

He had messed up. Big time.

Bodhi hurried through the throng of people on the narrow streets, his gaze fixed on the ground right in front of him. He could feel their gazes on him, could feel the hairs at the back of his neck bristle with it. And that was enough. He wasn’t ready to _face_ those countless eyes.

He had known that this wasn’t going to end well the moment Cassian had described their mission: locate Florrok Kos, a guy known for dealing with anything that got him money, find the data chip with sensitive Alliance information that he’d stolen, make sure it hadn’t been duplicated and then steal it back. Okay, maybe not the moment Cassian had described the mission, but the moment he’d elaborated on his plan. Obviously Florrok Kos was a passionate gambler and Cassian’s brilliant idea had entailed one of them distracting him at a local bar he frequented quite often with a game of Sabbacc while two others would search his home and his office – disguised as some kind of hauler company. K2 would keep the engines running and the last two of them would stay with the ship, as backup, and ready to fight in case something went wrong and they were detected.

As far as things went, one of their more thought-out plans.

The moment Cassian had mentioned Sabbacc Bodhi had known it was a bad idea. The tingling feeling in his fingers and the nervous excitement alone should’ve told him to stay away, instead he’d blundered in, head first.

“I can handle the distraction. I know my way around a Sabbacc table.”

He should’ve listened to reason instead of that urge in his belly and that nagging voice in his mind that reminded him that it was well over four months that he’d last played anything more challenging than Dejarik – or played for anything more than ration packs, shower privileges or less guard duty hours.

But no, he had to listen to his urges.

That Cassian had handed him a handful of credits hadn’t encouraged him to back off either. And neither had Cassian’s appreciative grin at his initiative. Or the surprised but amused glint in the captain’s eyes. Or the companionable clap on his shoulder that he’d wished would’ve lasted a little bit longer.

He was such an idiot!

Someone snickered to his left. Bodhi was determined not to look. Instead he headed on along the shortest way back to the landing pad with their ship. There was a surprised gasp, then an urgent ‘Mommy, mommy, look!”

He screwed his eyes shut for a second, hoping against hope that it would simply pass. Of course it didn’t. A louder gasp followed and then he looked, no idea why – maybe to punish himself even further? It was a small girl, gaping and giggling, her finger pointing at him as her mother’s eyes widened in shock and indignation only to pull her child around and hold her hand in front of the girl’s eyes.

“Why is the man naked, mommy?”

He grimaced and wished he were anywhere else but here. Quickly he hurried off, head bowed down again, shoulders hunched up, his hands clasped between his legs in a desperate attempt to preserve at least that last part of his dignity. And modesty. The uneven ground dug into the soles of his feet – he’s sure he sliced his skin on something sharp a while back – and sometimes he stepped into something sticky and he really didn’t want to think about _that_.

If only they’d left him his goggles at least…

It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d be able to feel their familiar weight against his forehead. But there was nothing. His head uncomfortably naked, just as his body. In the middle of a bustling spaceport in the early evening hours.

At least it wasn’t really cold.

It had all started out so well. Getting into the backroom of the greasy bar where the more or less legal activities took place hadn’t been hard, not if you knew a few tricks. And Bodhi knew a lot of them. Trapped in a life without meaning, surrounded by cruelty and injustice that you’re completely helpless against you learned how to look away, how to forget. His preferred numbing agent had been gambling. At the table where the whole world narrowed down to the cards in your hand and a few different colored chips you could be everything you weren’t. You could be someone else. Confident. Charming. Daring.

And he’d been all of those today. Had worked his way around the tables, had made sure Florrok took notice of him. The man had engaged him soon after. It was easy banter at first, then they’d played.

A part of him had been aware that this was part of the mission, that he was here to buy Cassian and Jyn time for their search, but the other part of him had been so much bigger. Stronger. The part that was back in the game and loved it.

 _Needed_ it.

And he knew that it was that moment where everything had started to go downhill. He should’ve reigned himself in, should’ve concentrated on the mission, on the others, but he’d let that old desperate need to forget get a hold of him. To forget and to numb everything down with the exhilaration of risking everything – because even risking everything at the table never meant losing your life unlike in real life where the wrong words could get you punished or killed.

It was an old need from another life.

And rather sooner than later, much to his shame, he’d succumbed completely to the game. He hadn’t been Bodhi, rebel agent, distracting a target. No, he’d been Bodhi, Imperial pilot, distracting himself from his own life.

It seemed fate had been just as pissed at him as he was right now, for it had punished him right away. Or maybe it was the Force? It didn’t matter. He’d lost. At first just a bit. Then more. But after months of abstinence he hadn’t been able to pull away even though he’d known that he should. So he’d stacked the chances higher, got too daring, too cocky.

In the end, he’d lost everything.

Which still would’ve been fine if it hadn’t been for the waitress who’d arrived with their next round of drinks at just that moment. Drinks that he’d declared earlier would be on him. Only now he’d had no money left to pay.

Such a tiny, stupid thing, but enough to irritate Florrok and the others who really had no chill at all. One of them had grabbed him while another had patted him down in search for more money. There hadn’t been more. So they’d taken everything else. His tool set that he always carried with him, his blaster, the small knife in his boot that Jyn had given him for emergencies, his comlink. Even his clothes; boots and goggles and everything. And their anger had made room for amusement and mockery.

Being slowly robbed of _everything_ he’d finally come to himself again and realized his mistake.

But Bodhi had grinned at them, good-naturedly. For in here he was confident even in his shame. He played at being a slightly peeved yet nonetheless good sport – much to the indignation of his opponents who’d been aiming for humiliation. With a polite incline of his head he apologized and then excused himself and strutted across the bar to the exit, his head held high and his hands confidently at his sides.

It had only lasted the first 20 or 30 meters after he’d left the bar, then every bit of false bravado had been blown to the wind.

Force, how far away was their kriffing ship???

He ducked around a corner, averting his eyes from all the stares, hunching down to make himself smaller. As if that would help. He needed to hurry, though. Cassian and Jyn needed to know that Florrok could be anywhere right now, back at the bar but also on his way to his office or home. And without his comlink he needed the ship to reach them.

Damn, he had really fucked this one up. He should’ve never gone anywhere near a gambling table! _He should’ve known_! He only hoped it wasn’t too late. He would never be able to forgive himself if Cassian or Jyn got hurt because of him.

They’d throw him from the team. And he wouldn’t be able to see Cassian on a daily basis anymore. And even if he someday found the courage to act on those feelings for his captain, Cassian would certainly not be interested in the guy who messed up and almost got his team killed.

He ran faster.

Just one last passageway and he finally entered the small, oval landing pad, their somewhat rundown U-wing the most beautiful sight he’d seen that day – apart from Cassian’s grin earlier, maybe.

He got no time to appreciate it, though, as he found himself face to face with a giant gun. He reacted on instinct, too startled, too stressed out to think, he simply threw his hands up in front of him and shouted, “Don’t shoot! Please don’t shoot!”

It was quiet for a second. Then deep, rumbling laughter answered him.

It was Baze. Of course it was Baze.

His relief didn’t last long, not when said laughter made him all too aware of his current situation. Heat flushed his cheeks – all the way down to his neck – as his hands snapped back down to cover himself up again. Before he could say anything a big hand clapped against his back. His very naked back.

“Bodhi Rook, you’re full of surprises!”

“What’s so funny over there?” another voice asked and he saw Chirrut walk around the ship, one hand against the hull to guide his way.

“Nothing,” Bodhi mumbled sheepishly.

“Our pilot here came back early. And butt ass naked.”

Bodhi screwed his eyes shut and hid his face behind one hand. This was horrible. Absolutely horrible. He felt like 13 again, standing in the shower with his dick in his hand and his sister peeking in.

Only now there was more at stake than his dignity.

“Are you alright, Bodhi?” Chirrut asked.

“Yeah, but we need to warn Cassian and Jyn. I… I messed up and I don’t know if Florrok left the bar or not, but it’s possible that he’s on his way to one of them already.”

“Hm,” Baze grumbled and grabbed for his comlink, “better give them a heads up.”

Chirrut pursed his lips and twirled his staff around faster than Bodhi could follow, he only saw that its end nudged – gently – against Baze’ hand. “Why don’t you let me do the warning, huh? You go and see if you can find something for our friend to wear.”

Right at that moment their comlinks started beeping. Chirrut was faster and activated his.

“Captain? That you?”

“Chirrut! Good, listen. We need more time!” Bodhi’s heart missed a beat. No, they needed to get out of there, but Cassian wouldn’t, not before he had found the data chip. Cassian sounded hectic already, his usual composure cracking. This would end ugly and it was Bodhi’s fault. _Kriff_!

“Jyn is with me. We got the chip, but… I don’t know what happened, but something went wrong. It’s possible they’re onto us. We lost contact with Bodhi and we just found some asshole wearing his goggles. We’re heading back for him now, be ready for any…”

Chirrut’s quiet laughter interrupted Cassian quite effectively.

Bodhi was surprised at the resolve in Cassian’s voice and his anger at the guy he’d thought stole Bodhi’s goggles. And for a moment he imagined that his clipped tone came from worry for him and not exasperation with him, which was a nice fantasy, but nothing more. He’d failed.

Those feelings only lasted for a second, though, for soon enough – thanks to Chirrut – he found himself grimacing again, and wishing to simply vanish into a deep and dark hole in the ground.

“Worry not, Captain. Our pilot is here with us, safe and sound. But if you happen to find more of his belongings on the way, take them with you, would you?”

 

***

 

25 minutes later Bodhi sat huddled into a corner of the U-wings passenger area, his elbows digging into his thighs and his face hidden behind his hands. ‘Always take responsibilities for your errors’, that’s what his grandmother had always told him. But confessing one’s failures was an awful feeling, always had been and always will be. Immediately he could hear his grandmother’s voice in his mind again, “ _If it were easy more people would stand up for their own mistakes_ ”.

Chirrut had led him to the ship where K2 had turned around, scrutinizing him from head to toe. Bodhi could’ve sworn he saw a frown on the droids face, but of course he knew that that wasn’t even possible.

“ _This_ is an outcome to this mission that I didn’t take into account.”

Baze had searched the whole ship for some spare clothes. There were none. And the compartments that should held rain coats – better than nothing – had been stuffed with first aid material instead – K2 informed them that Cassian had thought that to be of more importance than staying dry in the rain. In the end Chirrut had unwrapped a black cloth from his hip that he wore gathered up as a sash and given it to him so he could at least cover up his private parts for some semblance of modesty.

That’s when Chirrut had started asking questions. And Chirrut had a way of looking at you, Bodhi still wasn’t sure if that gaze was so creepy and effective although he couldn’t see or because he couldn’t see. Not that it really mattered. He hadn’t managed to withstand that gaze for long and had thought about his grandmother as he’d spilled everything. Slowly, hunched over and never meeting their faces.

The silence started to get to him, although he was sure that it only felt like an eternity to him. In reality it was probably only seconds.

“You should’ve told us!” It’s K2, not who Bodhi had expected to speak first. “Sending a compulsive gambler at a gambling table? I would’ve never advised that strategy had I known! It’s a _horrible_ strategy. Do you want to know the odds for you succeeding?”

“Enough,” Baze interrupted, his voice gruff. “I think he got the message.”

“They’re small. Very small.”

“Kay!” This time it was Chirrut who tried to get the droid to stop talking.

“I’m just saying. They’re small but the odds of you getting out of there unharmed were even smaller.”

It took a moment for the words to register with him. The barely hidden concern in them confused him, enough so that Bodhi dared to peek out between his hands. The serious expression of Baze and the thoughtful one of Chirrut did nothing to soothe him exactly but they didn’t seem angry either. Or disappointed.

Baze held his gaze and gave a curt nod towards the droid in the cockpit. “He’s right, you know.”

“There’s no need to beat yourself up over this,” the blind monk added.

And Bodhi had to look away again.

He was even more aware of his lack of clothes now, felt so very, very naked under their watchful – worried? sympathetic? – eyes. Instead he stared at his feet, bare and dirty from the streets. The rough fabric of Chirrut’s sash rubbed uncomfortably against his ass and hips and groin, and his fingers kept rubbing along his temples, pressing against the areas where the band of his goggles usually lay.

Footsteps hurried closer now. Voices followed. And he screwed his eyes shut and tried to wish his hectic heartbeat away – without success of course.

Then they’re there.

Cassian jumped into the ship, Bodhi could tell by the heaviness of his boots and the sound of his slight panting and-

“What the hell happened?”

Bodhi flinched at his harsh tone, his hands still covering his face. Of course Cassian was angry.

The footsteps came closer and then there were hands on his lower arms, closing around his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. Gently. And Cassian was right in front of him, kneeling on the durasteel floor and his eyes – his beautiful brown eyes, Bodhi could barely hold their gaze – roamed over his face. Worried, not angry.

“Are you hurt?”

He shook his head, more out of reflex than on purpose, too puzzled by this question to do more than stare.

Chirrut chuckled somewhere to the side. “Just his pride.”

“What happened?”

Bodhi didn’t want Cassian to know. He talked anyway. And as he started he couldn’t stop.

“I lost. I- I was careless and got carried away and- I should’ve never played. I lost. I lost everything. I’m- I’m sorry. I fai-“

“You gambled away your _clothes_?” It was Jyn. He’d forgotten about her for a moment and the sudden reminder of her presence made him flinch yet again. She was laughing.

And then Cassian started laughing as well. Okay, not _laughing_ laughing, but a low chuckling, and that was even worse, because it was _Cassian_. Laughing at him.

He would’ve preferred angry shouting.

He’d suffered a lot of embarrassment, of humiliation in his life – mostly at the hands of the Empire, but this felt infinitely worse. Sitting here amongst people he really cared about, only wrapped in a meager piece of fabric, his nakedness proof of his failure.

He was a mess. A pathetic, naked mess.

A hand was placed right above his knee and it squeezed. His eyes shot open immediately, he hadn’t even realized that he’d closed them again in his shame. It was Cassian, still with a lopsided grin on his face and kindness in his eyes – kindness, not gloating.

His skin tingled where Cassian’s hand touched him.

“Good we found these then, huh?” Cassian said and dropped a bunch of more or less folded fabric into his lap. Bodhi identified his pants and his shirt. And most of all: his goggles that lay right on top.

He couldn’t help the smile. Tentative and still embarrassed but so very, _very_ relieved.

Cassian let go of his knee but instead of leaving he grabbed the goggles and pushed them onto Bodhi’s head until their weight was right where it should be. The captain nodded with satisfaction then dropped his hand to Bodhi’s shoulder – more tingling skin – and caught his gaze.

“Good job at distracting the target!”

His breath hitched.

What? But he’d failed, he’d messed up, this wasn’t…

“And I’m sure he was _very_ distracted,” Cassian added with a grin as his eyes roamed over Bodhi’s arms and chest and everything.

This time, he blushed for a completely different reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? Hated it?  
> I'm always all ears if you want to share your opinions :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi and Cassian enjoy a lazy morning in bed. Until they get interrupted…

Bodhi hummed at the gentle caress of fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp then simply stroking through the long strands, all tangled up from sleep, trying to undo the mess. He smiled and turned his head a bit to plant a kiss on the first plane of skin his lips could reach. Cassian really loved to play with his hair every chance he got. And Bodhi loved it, too, not just because it felt so nice, mostly because of that look of peace on Cassian’s face.

He lifted his gaze a bit to get a better look at his lover. Cassian was lying on his back, his head tilted slightly in Bodhi’s direction. His eyes were closed but his lips were curved upwards into that tiny little smile he loved so much. The one he only ever got to see in that rare moments Cassian was relaxed and utterly content, all troubles, past or present, pushed aside for the moment to simply _be_. Bodhi couldn’t help but smile himself at that sight.

It still amazed him that he was here, lying in the arms of the man he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about ever since their fateful mission to Scarif, well, more like ever since he’d been able to think straight again after his rescue on Jedha. The man who had saved him, who’s trust in him, a deserter, had never wavered. The man who was willing to give everything, for the rebellion, for his team, never thinking about himself. The man with that gorgeous accent that made his heart flutter and eyes so deep and dark and full of shadows and sadness and yet so much compassion.

Even now he wasn’t sure what amazed him more: that he’d actually found the courage to act on his feeling or that Cassian could actually be interested in someone like him, in _all of him_ , not just the physical.

Bodhi snuggled a bit closer, his leg brushing up against Cassian’s. His hand was draped over the other’s chest, a circumstance he exploited shamelessly to map the other’s skin with his fingertips. He drew lazy circles and random lines across Cassian’s chest, followed the lines of hair that circled each nipple, trailed along the almost white line of a scar that ran along the side of his ribs. His fingers skipped down to his stomach, trailing more scars and dark hair and the soft, involuntary ripple of muscle underneath golden skin.

A noise left Cassian’s lips, something between a hum and a purr. Something his teammates would probably never think him capable of.

That hand in his hair grabbed tighter and nudged him closer. Bodhi grinned as he looked up and directly into the drowsy gaze of warm brown eyes. It didn’t take more invitation than that. He closed the last remaining inches between them and kissed his lover.

It was a lazy kiss, just warm lips and soft pressure and slow tongues. Without heat but so very full of affection and love.

And for a moment he wished that every day could be like this. Just them being lazy together, indulging in the warmth of their bed and the lack of responsibilities. Simply being close and happy. It was such a rare occurrence.

Cassian was due to attend a meeting regarding new strategies against the Imperial forces, but it was at noon and till then he was free. And Bodhi’s survey mission to the southern regions of Hoth was still over an hour away.

“Why don’t we do this more often?” Cassian mumbled as Bodhi placed his head back on his lover’s shoulder. Closer to his neck this time to bury his nose against the other’s skin.

Cassian’s hand closed around his wandering one, entwining their fingers, and pulled their joined hands up to his chest. Interrupted in his lazy exploration Bodhi pulled his right knee up and slipped his leg over Cassian’s, rubbing it slowly up and down to revel in the feeling of skin against skin again.

“You know,” he chuckled, “if you want an answer to that you’ll have to ask this workaholic captain of mine who thinks the whole rebellion will break apart without him.”

Cassian snorted and pulled back a bit to stare at him with that skeptical eyebrow – not the dangerous one he used for interrogations, but the cheeky one he used amongst his friends, his team.

“Is that so, huh? What about the pilot who jumps at every opportunity there is to fly out in his X-wing, ever since he got one? I barely see him around anym-”

A beeping sound interrupted them rudely, the sound unmistakably one of their comlinks. Immediately on full alert they tensed. Cassian’s head shot up, ready to jump out of bed, but Bodhi pushed himself up on his lover’s chest to get a better look, therefore holding him quite effectively in place – not on purpose.

The comlinks lay on the desk, next to Cassian’s datapad and the towel Bodhi had haphazardly thrown over the chair next to it after his shower late last night.

“It’s mine,” he said, already untangling himself from Cassian and the warm blanket – and quite reluctantly so – but it couldn’t be helped. The air in the room was cool against his naked body, but not as cold as he’d expected. With few quick strides he was at the desk and activated his link.

It was General Draven.

“Lieutenant Rook, I understand you’re part of the survey mission to the southern regions?”

“Affirmative, Sir.”

“Well,” there was a sigh over the comm, “your mission’s been delayed. There’s one hell of a snowstorm outside. We can’t clear anyone for take-off until at least the worst of it has passed. I expect you to be ready at 1100 unless you hear otherwise.”

That would give him and Cassian two more hours together, maybe more.

He tried not to sound too excited as he answered, “Understood, General.”

The connection ended and Bodhi turned back to the bed, a broad grin on his lips at the chance of more lazy time with Cassian.

Cassian had rolled onto his side in the meantime, his head propped up on his left arm. And he did a very poor job of stifling a laugh, which was not the reaction Bodhi would’ve expected.

He frowned, took a quick look down to check for anything out of the ordinary, but he looked just as ever. “What’s so funny?”

“You talked with your superior officer,” Cassian finally managed without laughing.

Bodhi raised one eyebrow. “Yeah? So?”

A snort escaped and Cassian reached out a hand to vaguely gesture in his direction. “You’re _butt naked_!”

Of course he was. He’d just jumped out of bed. And it wasn’t as if Draven had seen him. “So?”

Somehow this turned out to be the wrong thing to say? At least Cassian finally lost it and openly laughed, curled in on himself and with actual tears trailing down from the corners of his eyes. Bodhi just stared for a moment, not caring at all for the joke at his expense, only for the beautiful sight in front of him. Seeing Cassian so open and delighted was such a rare thing.

“You-,” Cassian started, then cleared his throat and took a deep breath to regain his composure again. His eyes shone brightly with mirth. “You snapped to attention! You’re butt ass nude and you _almost saluted_!”

Had he really?

Oh Force, no wonder Cassian’s losing it. That must’ve been the most ridiculous sight _ever_!

“Well,” he shrugged. What could he possibly say to that?

That’s when he noticed that the look in Cassian’s eyes had changed. The laughter was gone, replaced by an intense focus, completely in the moment and yet somehow hazy. His eyes roamed and he bit down on the side of his lower lip, sucking it into his mouth before it rolled out again beneath the pressure of his teeth, red and glistening. Hypnotizing. There was nothing lazy about that stare anymore.

It was just a stare and yet it burned hot against his skin, ignited the memory of touch. Of hands on his sides, framing his ribcage as lips trailed wet kisses along his chest, as teeth bit into his nipple. Of palms stroking lower, cupping his ass, caressing his thighs, and a hot mouth, breathing against his cock, teasing him with the promise of more.

Bodhi swallowed.

Licked his suddenly dry lips.

And he felt himself getting hard. From nothing but a hungry gaze.

Well, _Cassian’s_ hungry gaze.

A gaze that was currently concentrated solely on his increasingly interested nether regions.

He grinned and wiggled his hips a bit, proudly presenting his assets in a way that probably looked ridiculous as hell, but he didn’t care. Sometimes being silly was the most fun. So he cocked a challenging eyebrow at his lover and said in a cocky tone, “Like what you see?”

“You’re so damn hot!”

It wasn’t an answer to his question. Cassian had spoken right at the same time Bodhi had opened his mouth, their words tingling together.

Their gazes met and a second later they both burst out laughing.

Cassian rolled his eyes theatrically and winked him closer with a quick bend of his fingers. “Just get your ass over here, you silly idiot!”

Somehow Bodhi managed to force a rebellious expression onto his face – or what he hoped counted as one – and put his hands onto his hips. “Is that an order, Captain?”

Something flitted across Cassian’s face, a realization, and his eyes lit up for a second only for his face to twist into mock outrage a moment later. “Hey! I’m your direct superior officer, why is it that I get snappy disobedience while you snap to attention for the general?”

Bodhi wasn’t sure if he could play this game any further without simply dissolving into giggles at the ridiculous expression on his lover’s face. But he would try.

“Well, you can’t have everything, Captain Andor. You can have me snapping to attention or,” he pointed his hands downwards to his groin, “you can have me snapping to attention. Your choice.”

Cassian grumbled. “You drive a hard bargain, Lieutenant.” He scooted over and lifted the blanket as an invitation.

Bodhi didn’t hesitate. First of all, it was getting a bit chilly, and secondly, he wanted more than that hungry stare. As much fun as this teasing was, he wanted to feel heated skin and eager fingers and sucking lips.

He slipped underneath the blanket and before he knew what was happening he found himself pushed down by a hot body right on top of him, the proof of how much he was affecting Cassian pressed against his thigh. Their lips crushed together, fervently and hungry for more. Bodhi’s hands reached up, one wrapping itself into dark hair, the other one roaming his lover’s back until it settled around the delicious curve of his ass and kneaded his fingers into it.

He loved this. Not just the foreplay or the sex. He loved Cassian. Loved that being with him felt so easy, so- natural. There was no need to pretend or hide anything, he could be exactly who he was with him. Oh Force, he wished they would never have to get up at all.

Bodhi pulled his hands back up and, with a quick, unexpected motion, flipped them around. He grinned down at Cassian, whose eyes widened in surprise. Bodhi used that short moment of disorientation and pushed the other’s hands up over his head, close together so that he could hold down both wrists with just one of his hands.

“You’re getting cheeky again,” Cassian scolded, but the gleam in his eyes and his panting breaths betrayed his excitement. That, and the way his hips bucked upwards in search for more friction.

And Bodhi pressed down, trapped his lover’s hips against the bed with his own, their erections touching but without any movement at all. His free hand trailed along a tanned arm, down to that perky nipple again amidst its ring of hair and he looked at Cassian and smirked.

“You have no idea!”

The next second he flicked his finger against that nipple and Cassian curled in on himself as much as he could, his groan like music in Bodhi’s ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Penny for your thoughts?  
> :D


End file.
